Just Imagine - You Girls & 2mins Shopping Spree!

This is one of those few times when I would be calling out to my fellow good men.

Almost all of you must be aware of the much hyped, irrational, exasperatingly unbelievable - yet true - nature of shopping, of women. That very need to go and spend (read: throw) some bucks on the things that are never needed once they are owned, but seemed to be the most exclusive of antiquities kept (again read: strewn) at the shop's desk at the time. Most lavishly spent items, that will not be worn after the 1st time because they went out of fashion in an over-night, or came with a warning tag with the price tag about 2nd use.

The items in exchange of what we could buy our necessities for a lifetime!

The most excruciating fact about this nature is the hours they spend at the task. They are shopping for sure, but 99% of the time it is "window shopping". And if one is accompanying them, then only 2 types can remain sane during this herculean ordeal:

1) Hercules himself (though i doubt that, there were no malls or shopping centers or Janpath and Sarojini fish markets then. [:p] )

&

2) if one is a girl herself - a woman with the same mission.

Bad mood she would say: I know what I need... Let's go shopping!

Boredom and she would say: I know what will be exciting... Let's go shopping!

Good mood and she would say: I know what will be even more exciting... Let's go shopping!

While making plans she would say(something I over-heard):

"Tu mili nahi itne din se. And hum shopping bhi nahi gaye kabse. Chalo, let's just go shopping!"

Haven't we all heard those famous lines from those hindi ads:

"Arey SHOPPING hai jana aaj pehli tareek hai"

("Its 1st day of month, Lets go shopping")

"Koi bhi shubh kaam karne se pehle... Kuchh SHOPPING ho jaaye"

("Going to start with a new venture? Let's go shopping")

"Aji shaadi-byaah toh bas bahaana hai... humein toh bas SHOPPING par jana hai"

("Marriage. Wooooo..!! Let's go shopping")

"Money can't buy everything, for everything else, LET'S GO SHOPPING..!"

("Paisa kharch kar khushi nahi mil sakti, par SHOPPING kar ke zaroor mil sakti hai")

and my personal favourite, need we all guess it?

"Chalo kuchh SHOPPING ho jaye"

("Let's just go shopping")

How many you guys proposed a date with your girl the next day, and she casually declined as she had to go shopping. And as if that was not enough, she proposed an alternative and invited you to do the grueling task with her. Could you dare to reject that? You could?

Oh, just how could you....!! (snorts... [:p] )

(But the best apart about this case is, even if u did decline the offer, she'll not remember anything of it, as she'd be gone shopping! And that has some mysterious therapeutic feeling attached with it, that will make her forget most dreadful of pains - then who are you! [:p] )

And if there still is a point to be proven with their fanaticism, here is an excerpt of a conversation with a friend about her shopping spree:

Day 1- Friend: Main aaj ek friend ke saath shopping karke aayi!

Day 2- Friend: Main aaj dusri friend ke saath bahot saari shopping karke aayi!

Day 3- Friend: Main aaj ek friend ke liye shopping karne gayi thi and apne liye aur bhi zyada shopping karke aayi!

Day 4- Me(guessing the obvious, asked): Fir aaj kitni shopping kari?

Friend: Nahi yaar, aaj dubara se jaati toh mumma ne khoon kar dena tha.

Day 5- Friend: Main aaj mumma ke saath shopping karke aayi!

See, they are just that good! After all, mothers too were girls on shopping in their days. [:p]

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I'm sure the feeling only adds up for guys who have to provide funds for these outings to their spouses, and honestly, my heart leaps out to the fathers who were "blessed" with daughters, only to empty their pockets as they grew up. (Disclaimer: Any resemblance to go against giving birth to girls so as to keep pockets hefty is co-incidental and purely unintentional")

One can never understand or crack the code for this behavior. As the old saying goes, even God could not understand women after creating them. So we know that we cannot separate need/desire for shopping from them; what if, we reduce the hours time that they take to a moderate but acceptable duration. Can anyone suggest the ideal time duration that you think is possible for a girl or group of girls to finish shopping? 2 hours? 1 hour? Half an hour? What about 15 minutes? Any takers for 15 minutes? Sounds impossible, right!

What would you say if i suggest, 2 minutes? ("arey 2 mins mein toh maggi bhi nahi banti, shopping kaise hogi?")

Okay, then we perform a hypothesis. Imagine, there are 2 girls named CG and PD. We select a day and let it be 17th of August, which ,co-incidentally, is also PD's birthday (and trust me, choice of the day was co-incidental and purely unintentional). So a day before that, let's say they are planning to meet, and though we aren't present on the scene, we can imagine it going like this :

CG: "Kal kya karna hai fir?"

PD: "Tu mili nahi itne dino se and tere saath shopping bhi kabse nahi kari... chal let's go shopping!"

CG: "Yeah mast hai. My sister's marriage is scheduled, I too would like to raid the shops and spend all of my dad's money."

PD: "Good idea. We'll spend the whole day shopping, shopping, shoppinnggg.... lalaaaaa...."

But now we can't let a whole day be spent in just shopping. So we follow a certain steps to complete our hypothesis.

Step 1: On the morning of the 17th, a person called AB gives an idea of watching a movie to CG and CG passes on the idea to PD who also agrees to it. The time and place is decided and the girls enter the movie hall to watch the movie, let's say, "Peepli Live!" (again, all the facts are co-incidental). While the movie is just started, take the next step into action.

Step 2: Again make CG the target (because, for some reasons we assume her to be the wilder crass of the two, which again is purely co-incidental). Once again we give an idea about watching 2 movies back to back using telepathy. She gets totally psyched with going about it and gets her friend PD equally psyched too.

And so it happens, they do watch the other movie "Aisha", come out of the theater after 5 hours and decide of going home. And here is where the actual significance of PD's birthday come in. PD realizes that the day is about to be over and they haven't set a foot on the task they decided, so insists that as it is her birthday and so she wants to do it that day itself. Hence, they divert their route to a nearby shopping mall at "Rajouri" and so the hypothesis starts taking place for real.

With the time constraint of reaching home at time but still possessing the dire need to still have some shopping, our two protagonists enter the western section of the mall. Somehow, and we don't really know why, they like nothing about it.

Point to be noted, only 30 seconds are spent (as per our sources, who bear any resemblance, if any, is totally unintentional and co-incidental)

Next they follow the the Indian section, and as per the cosmic calculations that suggest a strong possibility, both opt for the same dress; since they don't share social life strongly anymore, they both choose to go with it. Time spent: 1 minute. And as luck would have it (you see, for this hypothesis to work, the universe will be conspiring against them and taking our side for once), the cash counter is free and it takes only half a minute for them to pay the cash and be out of the mall.

And so ends our hypothesis. And we observe, the best way to curb the hassle for you guys to accompany in the long tirade of - "bhaiya yeh dikhana" "nahi yeh acha nahi hai, koi aur piece dikhao" - is to get her in the rush to home still dying to shop mode, and then witness our dear little hypothesis work its magic.

DISCLAIMER: Finally, resemblance to any character in the hypothesis with any person(s) living or dead was purely intentional and totally by choice and reason.

CG - Charu Gupta, PD - Charu's friend Parul Dhingra

Priorities First - Rest, Come A Li'l While Later...

Hmm... Yes! This is nothing new one would read about today. Since early childhood, when the pressure of our schools and colleges went over-burdening, the young and old, all have not resisted themselves from making this prompt suggestion of prioritizing our work as well as the people associated with us. The logic behind it: PROFIT MAXIMIZATION...!!

Simply attend to things first that profit you the most.

For a student, time and energy saving is profit.

For any corporation, well we all know the point. Facts and figures talk about it all.

But what has urged me on to write all this is a small incident that took about an hour ago. I was waiting at the barber-shop for about 15minutes when this gentleman walks in. The two barbers, already attending to two of their customers and trying to sell them their unique 'hair and skin solution' services, direct this newly entered gentleman to the third vacant seat and one of them promptly asks me to come a little while later as he said that it would take some time.

Though fuming silently with a hurt ego, I exited the shop, but all the while kept on thinking as to why those services were being offered to those two persons when all that I'm asked is, 'how short is my hair to be cut' or 'If I can come a li'l while later'.

The answer lied in the basic fact i realized after a few seconds of pondering.

The habit of getting my hair cut to 'microscopic' length saved me from visiting the shop for 4-5 months. Hence, the barber had to please the customers who visit him frequently than I do, also are more capable of being lured into buying those solutions than me the 'fair-skinned-half-yearly-visiting-saving-money-on-frequent-visits' .... [:p] ... had to give a tongue-out to that one... [:p]...!!

And so, the term is coined, 'Priority Customers' or 'Privilege Customers' in the banking sector. Who are offered plush comfortable sofas with AC, coffee/tea with cashew-nut biscuits to go with any time that they desire. And the 'ME', the ordinary customer, with small investments, to whom all that is offered is either a 'Self-servicing Water-cooler', which never has a cool drop for summers or trace of any hygienically cleaned glasses for use; or politely asked to wait for the lunch time; or "to come a li'l while later".

Though nowadays, the banks have come up with the tagline 'Chhote Bade Sab Ke Liye'... I will still see to it Mr. Banker, what all I'm offered or how much more politely can you ask me

"To Come a Li'l While Later"..